


What Doesn't Kill You

by darkgaaraluver



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, F/F, Guilt, Manipulative Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 10:15:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17865395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkgaaraluver/pseuds/darkgaaraluver
Summary: What if Bismuth never got bubbled and survived the corruption light?Bispearl week day 3: Together After the War





	What Doesn't Kill You

**Author's Note:**

> I was not at all sure what to tag this as so if you have any suggestions let me know. I apologize if it's badly written in places I'm really sick with a fever and whatnot right now. I know it has similar scenes from my Echos story, but I tried taking them down different paths. Manipulative relationship tag not for Bispearl.

Pearl knew she shouldn’t be moping like this, shouldn’t be upset about how things were turning out around her. She was a fool for thinking that things would turn out any differently. Rose had been pulling more and more away from Pearl as the years passed by. Pearl was nearing her expiration date in Rose’s eyes, too old hat to be interesting anymore.

 

But seeing her with that man, with Greg…. It hurt. It hurt in a way that few things had since the war. Since flower petals on the wind and bright flashes of light. 

 

It felt like betrayal. 

 

Pearl didn’t begrudge Rose her special human interests, not since the first one, because Rose rarely stayed attached for long, always coming back to Pearl, to gems.

 

Also. Also because Pearl couldn’t say she’d always been faithful to loving just Rose either.

 

But that was a long time ago now.

 

Footsteps on the sand alerted Pearl to the fact that she wasn’t alone on the beach anymore, but she didn’t look up to see who it was. If she didn’t acknowledge them, maybe they’d leave.

 

“Is this really what she’s reduced you to?”

 

Pearl froze. Maybe she was just hearing things because she’d been thinking about her.

 

“Garnet got in touch. She said you might need an old friend.”

 

Pearl’s head jerked up. She hadn’t imagined it. Bismuth was really here. Her armor glinted in the sun and Pearl felt as tears immediately filled her eyes. “Are we? Are we really old friends?”

 

The hard look on Bismuth’s face dropped into something softer, and her arms fell from her hips in a stance that looked eerily like defeat.

 

Memories hit Pearl like a bus.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

_ The first time Pearl had caught Rose with a human she’d been so angry. So hurt and feeling so used. She’d run to the first person she could think of. The one gem she always felt loved and cared about with.  _

 

_ She’d run to Bismuth. _

 

_ At first it had just been to rant and then there had been tears. By the end of the night they were taking turns pinning each other to walls, lips brushing everywhere. _

 

_ They’d had a talk. Bismuth new that Pearl would always put Rose first. She understood. Bismuth loved Rose too, even if not in the same way. They started seeing each other in secret. _

 

_ It was exhilarating. Having someone always there for her when Rose, when Pink, couldn’t or wouldn’t be. Pearl knew it was wrong. To be with Bismuth when she felt these things for Rose, when she was forced to tell so many lies. _

 

_ It was after one of the most intense battles of the war that Pearl’s world came crashing down around her shoulders. _

 

_ She’d been waiting for Bismuth to finish showing Rose a new secret weapon she’s developed. Bismuth had taken her down to the private underground training facility for the demonstration. Pearl had been a bit disappointed that she had been asked to wait up in the forge. _

 

_ She’d just been sitting there when Rose had come running up, tears running down her face. Bismuth was running after her, a huge drill looking thing strapped to her arm.  _

 

_ Pearl was shocked, but when Bismuth made to attack, Rose not moving to defend herself, Pearl jumped in front of Rose and drew her spear.  _

 

_ Sparks flew between them, Pearl just able to see Bismuth’s face through them. The look of shock and betrayal stabbed at Pearl more than Bismuth’s weapon. Pearl could tell that Bismuth had tried pulling back at the last second to keep from hurting her.  _

 

_ After the clamor had passed Bismuth dropped her weapon to her side. “Do you know who you’re siding with? Do you know who she is!?” _

 

_ Pearl dropped her spear to her side as well, but didn’t put it away. Not yet. She glanced back at Rose, only to see her back in her Pink Diamond form. She looked back at Bismuth.  _

 

_ Pearl could feel her heart shattering. She squeezed her eyes closed for a moment, pushing back all those useless emotions. When she opened them again her face was coldly stoic, the perfect demeanor for a Diamond’s Pearl. “My Diamond. I’m, I’m serving my Diamond.” _

 

_ Pearl could see the fire dying out of  Bismuth’s eyes, replaced by a great sadness and an air of hopeless anger. That more than anything was the greatest tragedy. “I thought you were our great rebel Pearl, but you’ve just been following orders this whole time. I don’t know what to believe. The only thing I know is that this war won’t end until SHE’S shattered!” _

 

_ Pearl went to open her mouth. She wasn’t even sure what she planned on saying. Whatever it was she never go to say it. Pink but a hand on her shoulder as a signal to move out of her way. Pearl closed her eyes and bowed her head slightly as she let Pink through.  _

 

_ When Pink spoke it was quiet but sure, tear’s still visible on her face but not in her voice. “I understand that now in a way I didn’t before. I’ve done everything I can as a Diamond to free this colony. It’s time I shed that identity permanently. But I don’t intend on dying Bismuth.” _

 

_ Anger. Bismuth was pure anger. “What do you intend to do then huh?!” _

 

_ Pink smiled. “A plan I’ve been working on for some time now. It’s all ready. I just need… Pearl.” _

 

_ Both Pink and Bismuth turned to Pearl. She stood impossibly straighter at their combined attention. “M-me? What can I do for you My Diamond?” _

 

_ Pink made a tsk noise. “I thought I got you out of calling me that centuries ago?”  _

 

_ Pearl felt herself blush. Bismuth kept staring at her.  _

 

_ When Pearl said nothing else Pink continued. “I need you to kill me.”  _

 

_ Pearl’s mouth fell open in shock, but it was Bismuth who shouted. “What! What do you mean you need Pearl to do it!?” _

 

_ Pink sighed. “I’d let you do it if I could, but Pearl’s the only one with the right color scheme and gem placement to make a convincing Rose Quartz. Besides Pearl helped create this Rose Quartz, no one else would be half as convincing.” _

 

_ Pearl was shocked. “You want me to transform into you, into Rose, and pretend to shatter you?” _

 

_ Pink grinned. “Yep! I’ve got just the sword for it thanks to Bismuth!” _

 

_ Bismuth made a distressed noise. Pearl couldn’t even spare her a look at the moment. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from Pink. She seemed so happy about losing such a big part of her, and to ask Pearl to do it when she knew, must know, how Pearl felt. _

 

_ She seemed to notice Pearl’s staring and turned towards her, even walking forward so she was right in front of her, making Pearl have to tilt her head up to look at her. “Oh my Pearl, don’t look so upset! Being Rose has given me all I ever wanted. I’ll be happy to give up this form if it means I can keep being her forever.” _

 

_ Pearl felt her eyes fill with tears against her will. She wasn’t sure why this made her so sad. She was the one who had created Rose in the first place. In way, she supposed that the whole war was her fault.  More tears fell down her face.  _

 

_ Pink crouched down and wiped a tear from Pearl’s face, still smiling. “My Pearl. You don’t have to do this if you really don’t want to. I’m sure I can find someone in our ranks.” _

 

_ Pearl straightened up and did her best to stop crying. Her voice was stuffy but sure when she spoke. “No. It- it has to be me. I promise I want to!” _

  
  


_ Pink stood up, satisfied. “Good! We’ll talk more later. I have a feeling you two have a lot to talk about still. I’ll leave you alone.” _

 

_ Pearl gasped and looked over at Bismuth. She had somehow forgotten that Bismuth had been watching the whole thing. The look of devastation on Bismuth’s face was like a bucket of ice water. _

 

_ As soon as Pink left Bismuth dropped the drill with a heavy clang and ran up to Pearl. She put a hand on Pearl’s cheek, right over where Pink had touched, but unlike Pink’s Bismuth’s hand was shaking. “Is this really what it’s like for you? What it’s like with Rose, with Pink?” _

 

_ Pearl let out a shaky laugh. “Hey, it’s all right. All of this is my fault, it should be me that fixes it.” _

 

_ Bismuth dropped her hand. When she spoke her voice was dark and unlike any tone Pearl had heard her use before. “What do you mean it’s all your fault?” _

 

_ Pearl put away her spear and sighed, wrapping her arms around herself. “Pink was so miserable when I was assigned to her. The other Diamonds were so worried they gave me the explicit mission to make Pink happy. Nothing I did worked. She seemed interested in meeting some of the gems that she had created in the kindergarten, so I suggested she transform into a Rose Quartz and go meet them. She fell in love with the Earth. She didn’t want to colonize it anymore. So she started the war as Rose and petitioned the other Diamonds as Pink Diamond.” _

 

_ Bismuth’s voice was a whisper. “And you taught yourself to fight to protect her even though it wasn’t in your programing.” _

 

_ Pearl nodded. Her voice lowered to match Bismuth’s. “I’d do anything for her. Pink Diamond or Rose or whoever she is. Because I love her. Because I was made this way. I don’t know. But apparently that includes starting and ending war. I’m just glad I don’t have to lie to you anymore.” _

 

_ Bismuth closed her eyes for a second. When she opened them her gaze and voice both were stronger and more sure. “I can’t do this anymore Pearl. I can’t- I can’t voluntarily keep putting myself in the middle of your mess. I love you. I do, I know it with every inch of my gem. But this is too much. Talk to me when you’re done being her Pearl, when you’re ready to move on. Until then I think you better leave.” _

 

_ Pearl had tears in her eyes again, but gave a steady nod before she turned away from Bismuth and took a few steps towards the forge entrance. She stopped with her hand on the edge of the opening. “I do love you too Bismuth. I’m sorry.” _

 

_ Her hand dragged down the edge as she walked away. _

 

_ They’d been around each other after that of course, both being in Rose’s main guard. But they didn’t talk and rarely even looked at each other. It hurt Pearl every time but she knew what her duty was and carried on.  _

 

_ The night of Pink’s shattering Pearl found herself alone in their shared tent, sobbing into her hands.  _

 

_ When the tent flap had burst open, Pearl had jerked in surprise, but had been unable to draw her weapon. She was still in her court outfit even.  _

 

_ When Bismuth ran through and up to her, she could hardly believe it. Bismuth was wide-eyed in shock. When she spoke she sounded out of breath despite gem’s need to breathe. “Is it true?! Is it done?!” _

 

_ Pearl couldn’t bring herself to speak yet. She just nodded her head.  _

 

_ Bismuth’s face crumpled. “Oh Pearl. Come here.” _

 

_ Bismuth kneeled with her on the ground and Pearl threw herself against her, burying her head in Bismuth’s shoulder to cry some more. Pearl managed to sob out the whole story. When she told Bismuth about the seal she had reared back in shock and anger. Pearl managed to calm her down enough to keep holding her.  _

 

_ Bismuth stayed with Pearl until morning when Pink regenerated into Rose.  _

 

_ Rose regenerated smiling. Bismuth and Pearl had pulled apart when light had poured from her gem, so Pearl was able to stand upon her reappearance. “Rose!” _

 

_ Pearl ran and jumped up into a hug. Rose spun her once before putting her down. “I’m back Pearl!” _

 

_ Once Pearl was back on her feet she dropped onto one knee. The movement was hampered a bit by her court dress.  _

 

_ Rose giggled a bit. “As happy as I am to see you it might be best if we poofed you right away so you can change My Pearl.” _

 

_ Pearl stood and nodded. “Of course Rose. We’re lucky no one came looking for either of us last night.” _

 

_ Rose’s gaze drifted over Pearl’s shoulder for a moment. “Oh, hello Bismuth! Pearl would you like to say goodbye first? Or, maybe you’d rather Bismuth poof you?” _

 

_ Pearl whipped around to look at Bismuth, only to see her wearing a look of disgust. It made Pearl feel like an Earth slug.  _

 

_ When Bismuth spoke she hurled her words like fire. “You make Pearl poof every time you change? I bet you use my sword to do that too huh? Well I’m not sticking around for this!’ _

 

_ Bismuth practically ran out of the tent. _

 

_ Pearl thanked every star in the sky that when the emergency announcement went out that the diamonds were staging a counter attack that Bismuth came right back to Rose’s guard. _

 

_ As it was when Rose grabbed Garnet and Pearl, Pearl almost didn’t reach Bismuth in time.  _

 

_ When they found out what exactly had happened to the other gems on Earth they wept. And Bismuth left.  _

 

_ “The war may be over, but we have a responsibility to our comrades to bubble them at least. This was our fault and I’m gonna do my best to fix it.” _

 

_ She told them that she couldn’t work under Rose anymore.  _

 

_ And she left. Just like that. They’d barely even run into her in 4,000 years. _

  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The memory that hit her the hardest was the last look Bismuth had shot her when she’d left. The resignation on her face. Pearl had wanted to chase after her, but she knew her place had been here.

 

Bismuth sighed and plopped down on the sand to Pearl’s right. “I’m tired Pearl. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of being away from you. Tired of being alone.”

 

Pearl looked up at Bismuth. “I missed you. More than anything.”

 

It brought a smile to Bismuth’s face at least. Pearl did her best to memorize it. The curve of her mouth, the tilt of her eyebrows. She never wanted to be without. 

 

“Do you see what she does to us now Pearl? She uses gems and tosses them away when she’s moved on. I don’t ever want to see you used that way.”

 

Pearl looked away, tears forming in her eyes again. Her arms wrapped around herself. Bismuth put a hand on her shoulder and Pearl leaned into it. “It hasn’t been the same with Rose in a long time. Years. I was trying to hold onto something I lost already. But i gave up everything for it. I gave  _ you _ up. I didn’t want to let it go. But it’s. It’s over.”

 

Bismuth used her other hand to turn Pearl’s face towards hers, both hands coming up to her face, Bismuth’s thumbs wiping Pearl’s tears. A sad smile on her face. “What’d I say to you so long ago huh? I love you, with all my gem. I’m never gonna stop. If you’re ready to be your own gem I’m ready to try again.”

 

Pearl smiled through her tears. “I do want to be own gem. I really do. The renegade Pearl. Stars, I love you Bismuth.”

 

Bismuth grinned at Pearl and leaned in, their lips meeting for the first time in millenia. It was soft at first, but quickly became more passionate. Pearl’s hand migrating up to Bismuth’s face, while Bismuth’s slowly wandered down to Pearl’s waist. Pearl moving up onto her knees so Bismuth didn’t have to bend over quite to much. This threw Bismuth off-balance. 

 

She had come in to far and ended up knocking them both over in the sand, where she pinned Pearl down. They blinked at each other in shock before bursting into laughter. 

 

“Sorry beautiful.”

 

“You better not be.”

 

Pearl wrapped a leg around Bismuth’s waist to keep her there and surged up to re-connect their mouths, her tongue slipping into Bismuth’s mouth. 

 

Garnet smiled and congratulated herself when she found them curled up sleeping in the sand together that night. She knew they were just what the other needed.


End file.
